Picking up the phone is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I either don’t think I need anyone’s help, or I don’t want anyone to know what I am doing. This is a way of thinking that must stop if I am to stay sober. I need to be honest and let others in. This is such an important part of AA and learning to live a sober life.
Where in the world can you walk into a building not knowing a soul and within 60 minutes have the entire room willing to have you call them? These numbers were so important to me only a week ago and will forever be at the top of my phone list. Talking to another alcoholic helped me get through and continues to help me.
I need to be better about this when I am not in trouble too. A daily check with my sponsor makes me keep things real and gives me a chance to spew my day’s difficulties. Sometimes these calls are only a few minutes long, often they are more like 10 minutes. She originally asked me just to check-in, so I did. I texted her every day, usually “I’m good. Have a good night” but that wasn’t good enough. I was told I must actually call her. I don’t talk to anyone every day, was she crazy? I balked and wouldn’t remember until the evening but she insisted. So, now I do, and thank goodness!
I still find my self not wanting to make this call and looking forward to it all at the same time. She asks me how I am doing, do I have any stressful situations coming up, is there anything she can do for me today, and of course some general chit chat. These calls let me interact with another human being who knows what my life is like. She knows my voice now and can hear when I am truly doing well or just faking it. She catches me falling before I crash. She’s there for me when I am having a craving to talk me through it. She also encourages me to reach out to others. Picking up the phone is immensely important to her and with any other member of the group. I don’t even need to start the conversation. All I have to do is dial the phone and tell them I’m having a bad day. They know what to say from there.
A journey to sobriety