Hi, my name is K. I am an alcoholic.
This is my first time blogging, and my third time admitting I am working on Day 4. It wasn’t easy the first time to admit my failures four months ago and is still not easy today.
I functioned well in a good job and had a lot of respect. I had friends, family, and was on my way to great things. A little alcohol gave me a lot of courage. If I had a drink I could do my work, everyone liked me, and I felt alive and in charge. I enjoyed being drunk. Unfortunitly, It didn’t take long to require more and more alcohol to make it to the next day. I started earlier in the morning and often hit the bottom of the bottle before I was done with the day. I needed it to function while awake, and I needed it to sleep through the night.
Four months ago, after a rocky few days in my marriage, I went home and faced a lot of feelings. I made a decision to work on my marriage but since I had already had a hotel room and wanted to decompress I decided to spend one more night away from home. I stopped at a liquor store and picked up a few bottles and went back to the hotel. It was my right to drink after having dealt with what I just did. It wasn’t that I couldn’t stay home, wasn’t that I already had the hotel. I didn’t stay home because I wanted to drink.
That night I couldn’t sleep. There was too much was on my mind, too many things were slipping through my fingers, too many worries I couldn’t escape. I drank all night. By morning I was a wreck. I was no longer in charge. I called a close friend who came and took me to my first detox facility.
I knew then I had to change. This was not the life I wanted to lead. I was released on a Friday and attended my first AA meeting Saturday morning.