By noon I was antsy to get to the evening AA meeting. I had that squirrely feeling and knew a meeting was the best place to be. I wanted to drink and if I attended a meeting my ability to conquer the urge would be more successful. There is a bond and a sense of familiarity in every meeting. It doesn’t matter if you were are only 10 minutes sober or 31 years sober. Each of us has or has had, the same struggle. No judgments are ever made in this safe place. Sometimes the faces are different but the receptivity is still the same, and I needed that.
Today’s meeting topic was the use of the 12 Steps. I am trying to get a handle on Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.” I’ve started working on this step but have clearly not gotten very far.
I am powerless over alcohol. That’s what I kept reading and not understanding. Shouldn’t my goal after Step One be to say I am powerful over alcohol? Why should we constantly read the steps admitting we have no power? The entire time I read the words of Step One I heard only the truth of my predicament. I am powerless over alcohol.
Tonight was the first time I read the words as they were written. The goal is to fully admit you were powerless over alcohol. The optimum words here are “were powerless.”
Gaining some sort of control and taking that power back is what I need to do to move on to Step Two. That’s a lot easier said than done.
A journey to sobriety