I accompanied a friend to a new meeting last night. She thought it would be good to expand the places I go to and meet more in the fellowship. We were a little late, and normally I wouldn’t have gone in out of respect for whom ever was sharing, but it seemed to be a celebration meeting and a little more relaxed.
The celebrant was standing in the front of the room sharing a little about his story. I knew this man. I recognized him the minute we opened the door. We hadn’t been close friends but I knew him from my profession. I knew enough about his personal life to be more than just passing comrades but I didn’t know this. I didn’t know he was an alcoholic. I was sure he recognized me as well.
We took our seats and listened to the tail end of his speech. He laughed joyously as he explained how he went to get a huge cake for the party and was asked what he would like on it. He told them the roman numeral for 30. The girl at the counter didn’t understand so he told her just place “XXX”. She chuckled and asked if he wanted anything else. He said yes, “ODAAT”. He explained to the room that it was for “One Day At A Time”. So somewhere out there a woman is thinking that ODATT is having a big orgy party! We roared in laughter.
This was the first time I had gone to a meeting where I knew someone from my other life. What was he thinking? He kept staring at me. It was probably my imagination but I could swear he was. Was my presence making him uncomfortable? I doubt it. Did his presence make me uncomfortable, yes.
It shouldn’t have. He was 30 years sober and I was only a few days; we both belonged here. I am not used to people knowing my secret and it is still my secret. I figure some of the people who knew me well already assumed I am an alcoholic. Facing people I know who now can confirm my predicament is unsettling.
But he is here, and I am here. We both are alcoholics and what is said here stays here. Nothing to be concerned about, nothing to be embarrassed about. I bet my secret isn’t really much of a secret anyway. I am just finally admitting what everyone else already knew. I have a problem.
A journey to sobriety