I officially had home work last night after my group and I was a little concerned about starting it so I went over a few houses to see T.H.. She was out in her garage with the door open sitting with a few woman talking and listening to music. I wanted to get to the bottom of whether I was placing a story in her head or if she really was mad at me since I hadn’t seen her in awhile. I walked up the driveway and gave her a big wave and she invited me to sit down. We talked a little and I got the scoop on what was happening on the cul de sac. Apparently there are multiple affairs going on here. I mean I sort of new but wasn’t sure. When I went for my morning walk the other day I started across the desert and saw two figures in sand coming towards me. It was about 6am in the morning so they had to have started their walk a little early right, wrong. I doubt what they were doing out there was walking. I’m so naïve sometimes. So yes that was one couple. The other couple I had seen walking the lane together that afternoon and the third I just don’t know anything about but it involved a love tringle and the girl was hurt. First thing my therapist said to me when I told her I was leaving for rehab was “Don’t fraternize.” I heed those words so I stick to my own kind as much as possible. I also learned that TH had rented a car and parked it a few blocks over. We are not allowed to leave the lane except for 30 min walks. There are even cameras down the street but she manages it. She even went golfing! I know it’s not a lie because she had a local golf course’s polo on. She is thinking about leaving anyway next week so if she get’s kicked out it must not be a big deal to her. Me, I want to stay as long as possible. T.H. wasn’t mad at me and she talked to me freely. We made chit chat about what my plans where and my relationship. She even joked about her own choice not to date for a year and how she would need to pleasure herself often. “That shower heads going to get a lot of use this year” I joked.
Once I knew things where ok with us I could head back to my house and tackle the project I had to do. I had to make a list of people I would allow to positively influence me in recovery and discuss how I believed they can help me. Not as difficult as I made it out to be. So here goes.
- My AA Friends – Community, Inclusion, Discovery, Equality. They validate my feelings with out judgement. They can share their experience , strength and hope for guidance.
- My Aunt Linda – Security, Nurture, Support. She has a take charge personality and is already involved n my recovery here. She reaches out to me unprompted. She knows the truth about me and my past yet still invited me on vacation with her and opens her home for me to find refuge when ever I need it.
- My Son – Appreciation, Affection, Purpose. I am special in his eyes and I don’t want to tarnish that anymore. I trust his judgement will come from the heart and he can handle matters when I am overwhelmed. He jumps when I need assistance of any kind.
- My Therapist – Safety, Communication, Authenticity, Hope, Growth, Presence. She will be honest with me when I start talking crazy or when she is worried about my behavior, She knows when I am slipping mentality and can guide me back on track.
Not bad. I actually felt that I had a good support system after writing this. Now you might ask why I didn’t include my spouse on this and it’s simple. His way of supporting me is to watch ewvery move I make and not let me have alone time. This would be extreamly detrimental to my well being so no, I don’t think he should be a support in this way. He is very loving and cares for me a great deal. He can continue to do that and it should be enough on his part.
I was sitting out on the porch while I was sharing my homework during a video Webex. Each of my house mates sit in their rooms and I always sit either on the porch or in the living room. The house keepers had been working around me and that was ok with me but they started to vacuum in TS.’s room. She got annoyed and went into the bathroom for some privacy and all I saw was the computer drop on the counter and T. was gone. I mean gone! I rushed into find her in the tub holding her head. She had meant to sit on the side of the tub but it was so thin she slipped backwards and fell in hitting her head. It wasn’t pretty and I felt so bad. I told the councilor who was still live streaming with us and he called the house techs to come over why I checked TS out and got her an ice pack. No blood, no passing out, but she has a pretty little egg on her noggin now. Hopefully she will be ok tonight since she refused to go to the emergency center to be checked out. I will keep an eye on her tonight but she seems to be her spunky self.