Today is March 25th 2021 at 7:44am here. I just woke up in a rehab. The last 24 hours have been a whirl wind and I don’t quite even know how it actually all came together so perfectly. So here I am on the opposite side of the country, hand delivered by my son, to an unknown country to face my own secret world.
The way I fell into this facility is so amazing that something or someone had to be placing everything in motion. How I ended up in this predicament of needing rehab is a detail I will get into later. How I ended up 3000 miles from my home was an aligning of the stars.
I woke up on Tuesday the 23rd. It was dark and my eyes were heavy. I couldn’t tell where I was, I couldn’t tell who my arms were wrapped around. Oh God, what had I done now? I couldn’t remember and I didn’t have a clue who I had obviously been spooning with all night. It was too dark for me to see and the figure I didn’t recognize. I was still tired and my eyes hurt so I drifted back into neverland.
The light fell on my eyes from a nearby window and i could tell that my bed mistake had left. Do I dare open my eyes. Do I dare try to figure out what I need to apologize for now. I still didn’t even know where I was. I had too. I squinted and slowly got the courage to peek from behind my lids at the world I was now. The blue walls of my cousins room came into focus, my uncles pajama set covered my body, and I was lost in time. The room was empty but I now recognized the figure I had been holding all night was my aunts. It still took courage to open my eyes completely and lift my self out of bed. Although I felt safe I had been totally incoherent the night before and needed to apologize for anything could be looming just ahead. I had to face the music of another unknown night.
My steps stayed light as I nauseously went down the stairs to greet my family. They were full of love but insistent that I had to choose a direction for my life after last night. I had been checking out rehabs for the past few days unbeknownst to anyone else and I knew I had to choose one to go to now! I choose the furthest one away. An on purpose accident? Most likely, but it was still considered to be a top notch facility and they had a bed for me. So with in an hour of waking up my spouse had been contacted, my son had cancelled his calendar, the center stated they would do an intake interview in 1 hour via phone, and I was on Expedia looking for flights. I was amazed at what a difference the flights cost. How was I going to schedule flights for me to go with an unknown return date. It all worked out though. My son was on the same website and we made sure we booked the exact same flight and seats together. Not only did we find a flight that was less than 300 round trip for both of but one that left in 3 hours! And that was it. With in hours of waking up I was on an unexpected flight to a new beginning with my 26 year old son by my side.
We flew the 4 and half hours to Texas, took a shuttle to the hotel and an Uber out for something to eat and clothes. I had no plans on leaving my home state in a drunken bender and end up in Philadelphia. I even further didn’t expect to be on a flight the next morning and stepping away from my home for a month. Have you ever had to do speed shopping? Burlington Coat Factory is great for this. Everything is under one roof and all the clothes are in log racks. No looking around circles of supposedly organized sizes and styles at a fancy end store in the mall. It was a sight! My son and I would each take an isle and we knew I needed a weeks worth of comfortable clothes, undergarments and toiletries, and even a bathing suite. Who would think of going to a rehab and not pack that right! We had an hour. Now it’s still covid time and dressing rooms are closed. That was actually a god send because I would have wanted to try everything on. Instead I just bought one size larger in all the comfortable clothes I needed and regular size for leggings and shirts. We each picked up items and got input from across the isles. I walked out of there with a beautiful wardrobe that would normally have taken me hours to decide on. It helps to have a son with a good eye for fashion.
We went back to the hotel and talked all night. I think we each ended up with maybe 3 hours between us. It was good though. I folded all my new clothes and placed them in the carry on suitcase my aunt lent me. We were downstairs on time and had an adventure at the Dallas Fort Worth Airport. We had gotten dropped of at Terminal A and having not been to this airport before we had a devil of a time trying to figure out where we needed to go. Finally found the shuttle to Terminal C and was met by the nicest bus drive. She was like a grandmother the way she talked and took care of us. We picked up another family at the end of terminal A. The driver called up to us and told us their were lots of babies on the way and boy was she right! 9 children raging in ages for 3 to 14 hopped on board with a tall anorexic farmer looking mental man who never said a word, his wife, a doughty larger woman, and another couple. We believed the other couple were the aunt and uncle and they had just been to Disney Land with all these children. They were adorable but I swear there was some Sisterwives type of thing going on. Maybe it was just a nice country family from Oklahoma and I am just not used to this type of family dynamic. I was caught off guard. The littlest of the children were very adorable. Once we got off the vehicle we rushed to our gate with only 5 minutes to spare. The plane was nearly empty. We had the row to ourselves and could have taken up two rows if we needed. As I said- empty. the ride in was a little rough with the turbulance but we made it in good shape.
Can I just say how awesome it is to have an open air airport. We got off the plane, took a few steps through an enclosed concourse and out the doors into this widely open common area with restaurants shops, park benches, and people happily enjoying the light breeze while waiting for flights. Once we exited the airport we took an Uber to the book store near the facility. I have a million books I wanted to read at home but oh well. I remembered i wanted to read “Orphan Train” by Christina Baker Kline and was glad they had it in stock. I also picked up a Spanish work book. Something for me to be more active in during down time. I was surprised that it was in a more populated area than I expected. Behind walls and gates in the middle of urban America sat a beautiful campus. I guess it doesn’t matter if you are held in by sweeping planes of deserts or walls. I think I might prefer the walls. Less of an emptiness feeling. Either way I obviously have access to internet and a computer. I might not really need the books.
So I am currently in a detox part of the unit. I was good and came in with out alcohol in my system. I sort of started the detox myself. I am used to the sleeping sweats and the shaking. I got through it. There is a delay in getting my medication and I am very worried about this. I am good with my meds but without I am wired and will not handle this full detox well. They also wont let me use the vape I started. I can use cigarettes’ but not the vape. That really sucks because I am totally hooked on the action of vaping. I can’t say its the nicotine it’s the oral fixation. They have a whistle you can use. You breath out in stead of in and it’s used to calm you down. I might use that, it might help me. I will look it up on amazon.
I was so tired with the change of hours and the lack of sleep that when they finally gave me a room and told me I could look around I laid up on the bed and fell asleep. I still had not gotten my clothes or anything else. I had yet to see the doctor and I was freezing cold. There was a beautiful veranda but I couldn’t open the door. I mean its a fully enclosed court yard. Where did they expected me to run to is unbeknownst to me. I feel asleep, was woken three times and then allowed to rest the night to recover. The first was to give me breaded chicken with bruschetta topping with roasted red potato’s for dinner. The second was for a regular check of vitals. All was okay. The third was while I was asleep. I woke up to Nurse M just gently telling me that He need to give me a shot of vitamin B and this would make me feel so much better as he slid up my sleeve. WHAT THE FUCK! Oh my god. I tensed up and curled my self deep into the bed as I gritted my teeth and the most agonizing sound of pain rushed out. I told Nurse M I didn’t like him very much any more and immediately closed my eyes to sleep.
I didn’t sleep solidly for the entire night though. I woke every two hours in drenched clothing. I woke up changed, took a shower sometimes, and just ended up wrapping my body in the towels from the bathroom. They asked to change the sheets that would be too much time. I wanted to sleep. They did give me blankets from the warming oven which helped.
First night done and over.