Again a lot has happened since I wrote last. I need to make this a more daily occurrence. It helps to journal my thought and feelings and I definitely have the time.
So, I drank. I drank a lot. Unfortunately, I am on this Vivitrol medication so the alcohol didn’t hit me until it really hit me. I am now back in IOP 4 days a week, on a drug-testing program, have to be checked in on by a counselor weekly, and be part of another sober check-in program. It’s all good though. I am happy. I need all the support I can get.
My issue is talking in these meetings. They put me in a smaller group for IOP and I am very thankful. I was honest with them and told them I am insecure and prefer to answer questions than speak up. I usually have something to say, but the fear of what they think of me scares me, so I isolate myself. I feel safe isolating, but I also feel so alone.
They were great. They asked simple questions I could answer, like What is my favorite color, do I have any pets? It actually made me feel much more comfortable with them. I look forward to my next session with them.